More jokes!
I found these on someone's blog, it's a total gagbag!! And yes, obviously it's from a guy's...
A True Friend
Are you tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always soundgood, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a seriesof promises that really speaks to true friendship:
1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
6. When you are confused - I will use little words.
7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.This is my oath...I pledge it till the end. Why? You may ask, because you are my friend.
Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.
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Things Men Will Never Say!
1. I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker.
2. No, I don't want another beer. I have to work tomorrow.
3. Her tits are just way too big.
4. Sometimes I just want to be held.
5. That Rosie O'Donnell chick gives me a boner.
6. Sure! I'd love to wear a condom.
7. We haven't been to the mall in ages, let's go shop and I'll hold your purse.
8. Screw Monday Night Football, let's watch "Ally McBeal".
9. It's late. Put your clothes back on and I'll take you home.
10. Honey, I'm going to the store, do you need more tampons?
11. I know you just blew me, but I need a kiss.
12. I'm sick of beer, give me a fruit juice with a lemon twist.
13. Great, your mother's coming to stay with us again.
14. I wonder if my gorgeous neighbor knows that her drapes are open when she's getting ready for bed? Maybe I should tell her.
15. No way, you weeded the garden last week. It's my turn.
16. Better get rid of these old Penthouse magazines.I don't look at them anymore.
17. I understand.
18. This movie has way too much nudity.
19. Damn, we're late for church!
20. No! I don't want to see your sister's new tits.
21. Damn these onions, pass me a tissue.
22. Put some panties on for Christ's sake.
23. Eat something!! You are starting to look like a Victoria's Secret model!!
24. Don't pick that up, I got it.
25. Happy Anniversary!!!
26. Hey, isn't today your mothers birthday?
27. Let's talk, I miss talking.
28. Gay men have rights too!
29. I am just too tired to have sex again today!
30. Are you losing weight, sweetie?
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Hehehehe...men are funni beings, rite? Tho...i think i've heard some of those lines above from my guy friends quite a few times now...[u kno who u are!] Are they still considered men? :p
A True Friend
Are you tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always soundgood, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a seriesof promises that really speaks to true friendship:
1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
6. When you are confused - I will use little words.
7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.This is my oath...I pledge it till the end. Why? You may ask, because you are my friend.
Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Things Men Will Never Say!
1. I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker.
2. No, I don't want another beer. I have to work tomorrow.
3. Her tits are just way too big.
4. Sometimes I just want to be held.
5. That Rosie O'Donnell chick gives me a boner.
6. Sure! I'd love to wear a condom.
7. We haven't been to the mall in ages, let's go shop and I'll hold your purse.
8. Screw Monday Night Football, let's watch "Ally McBeal".
9. It's late. Put your clothes back on and I'll take you home.
10. Honey, I'm going to the store, do you need more tampons?
11. I know you just blew me, but I need a kiss.
12. I'm sick of beer, give me a fruit juice with a lemon twist.
13. Great, your mother's coming to stay with us again.
14. I wonder if my gorgeous neighbor knows that her drapes are open when she's getting ready for bed? Maybe I should tell her.
15. No way, you weeded the garden last week. It's my turn.
16. Better get rid of these old Penthouse magazines.I don't look at them anymore.
17. I understand.
18. This movie has way too much nudity.
19. Damn, we're late for church!
20. No! I don't want to see your sister's new tits.
21. Damn these onions, pass me a tissue.
22. Put some panties on for Christ's sake.
23. Eat something!! You are starting to look like a Victoria's Secret model!!
24. Don't pick that up, I got it.
25. Happy Anniversary!!!
26. Hey, isn't today your mothers birthday?
27. Let's talk, I miss talking.
28. Gay men have rights too!
29. I am just too tired to have sex again today!
30. Are you losing weight, sweetie?
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Hehehehe...men are funni beings, rite? Tho...i think i've heard some of those lines above from my guy friends quite a few times now...[u kno who u are!] Are they still considered men? :p
posted by maiko at 4:28:00 pm
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