Fading slowly...

Quiting mirc for now...I need to 'find' myself....trying to love myself for who i am, but i just can't accept the cold hard truth. I'm not special although as much as i like to believe that i am. Makes me far more insecure, and i'll probably die trying to torture myself into being better than wat i realli am right now...there's nothing u guys can do to help me, because noone understands the pain i'm going thru. People try to say how much they 'feel' for me, or how they can relate, or that their lives are worse. But none of them has the same life as me. None of u were born into a family with siblings of the same gender, none of u were born growing up trying to be better than the other, none of u were born the ugliest, fattest, AND dumbest in ur family. None of u were psychically & emotionally abused as a child. So none of u will know how much I have to discover about myself, trying to love myself without having a realistic [i.e. not gackt] person who i truly love to confide in, and who maybe one day will in return, love me back and tell me that they care whole-heartedly and genuinely...

P.S. There's was irony in this...the person who i probably dislike the most, was the only person who actualli cared to talk & listen to me, on that night when i left mirc abruptly. So for this, I wanna thank that person for being there even when I'd given him so much shit. Your almost at the top of my 'Good People' list now.