Cut, cut, cut...might as well cut my life into pieces

I was realli cut just then, when my little sister showed more [or should i say, the only] anticipation with my elder sister returning home. She actualli showed no excitement watsoever over the news that i would be flying home this weekend. It's times like this I tend to flashback to similar moments where i'm the 'leftover' or the scraps from a table. Always rejected, always chosen last...when will i ever have an equal opportunity as my other sister in every decision someone makes. This guy who i used to like rejected me -_-", only for me to find out later that he liked my sister...sad, i know, but wat was i to do? That's why i've always blamed myself for the way i was born, and curse watever that i can put my blame on [birth order, parents' injustice + favoritism, male chauvanism, my sister's self-esteem which don't have, etc...] Look at it this way, in a game of basketball, they have to pick 5 out of 6 players, and i always end up being the 6th player who is known as the 'reserve', but never ever gets the chance to even touch the ball except when instructed to pick up the balls after a game. And, everyday, every single living day, wondering when it would be time for me to outshine all those other basketball players. Show everyone how much better I can be; show those who's rejected me what they've lost...show them that i am so much better of a person inside than out. Looks can be deceiving, u kno. Sure, I admit i'm probably not as good-looking as my sisters [yes, i kno some of u who know i take this to heart] but u know, i dont see how i'm less well-off than they are. I dont see why I always get the consolation prize if we were ever in a game together...i mean, how fkn SAD is that?! Urgh...life goes on, and i should rant less. But deep down inside, i can't deny the rush of anger running thru my veins, so fast that it feels like i might blow my own head up. *splat* K, that's enough graphic scenes for now [P.S. LOL Seng @ 3 boobies =P] But yea.......i wanna accept myself for who i am but i can't, coz everytime i see my sisters i lose all my hope to push myself forward. I think i'm just about to give up.....

I JUST don't get it...i don't get why i'm always being pushed around by people who don't even appeciate wat i've done for them. Like today, i was carrying two heavy supermarket bags around looking for a book and calender my sister wanted. Wat am i doing this for?! Myself? Pfftt, no...i don't even get anything from my parents for this. And the person who I was trying to please doesn't even APPRECIATE the gesture. Gee. Sometimes I just wanna say to them "I Hate You", but my love for them just softens my heart [and my words], then i refrain from saying those 3 letter words. *sigh* Where are all the good people nowadays?