Sick of this shit...

I can't sleep and I've been crying. All these thoughts keep rushing into my head. I'm having a major headache right now. Just recently I thought how good my life was getting at, and then the arguments with parents made all my bad memories start flooding back. I realised that I was the most physically and emotionally abused child in my family. I could probably think of 10 different situations where I was at least ratted on, taunted, degraded, teased, bullied, or left to defend for myself from my parents and sisters. There were many others too. Too bad they didn't have social services from where I'm from. And besides, it would always be my word against theirs. It felt like I was getting to the brink of insanity. My life was definitely hell. And I guess these feelings have finally caught up with me again, and it feels just like a dam, broken, and my tears started gushing erratically. I just wanted to end all things; my life, especially. But I kno there is no way out. Killing myself would cause me to sin, so I can only hope and pray that God answers my prayers and takes me away from this world...this life, my life, I'm willing to give up. Coz I know now, noone loves me. And noone ever will.